Granted.

You get a Star Destroyer 49 and attempt to shoot Saturn. Unfortunately, you miss and destroy the sun. Unable to face the guilt of killing 6 billion people, you commit suicide.

I wish for a Bofors 40mm.

Edit: Looks like Glosmostinex beat me to it. The next poster has to grant both wishes.

ME!!!!
Granted to myself. however, my second personality attempt to assassinate me by making me eat a pineapple. however, the thing doesn't explodes, since it was a bugged copy of it. however, Soviets attack the moon by launching a powerful Nuclear missile, which destroys the moon center. the moon becomes a asteroid, and then it comes near to the sun. then it hits the sun and makes it explode in a beautiful explosion.

Meanwhile, Sgt Kelly gained a Bofors. however, since he was a Soviet, he had to donate his gun to the Government, and it was used to destroy the moon. after it was public knowledge that Sgt. Kelly had the "Moon Destroyer", a secret group called "Pink Mesa" attempt to assassinate Sgt kelly with a powerful redeemer. Sgt Kelly survives, but he goes to a public execution in the middle of the eiffel Tower, where his Heart was impaled in the top of the tower.

I wish i could do a triple-corruption.

Granted, you have the ability to triple corrupt something. However, the chance to do so never arises.

I wish for a years supply of sten guns and ice cream (specifically, MK5 and Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough)

Granted. You grow so fat off the ice cream you can't fit your fingers through the trigger guard. Then you die from a heart attack when you sit on one of your guns and it unloads on your TV.

I wish for a new UT2004 Ballistic server.

Granted, but the guy who hosts it disappears after about a month. It was also a fairly crappy server with recoil and chaos set to zero.

I wish these letters that I am typing right now turn orange.

Granted. However, It seems that this orange has unstable properties, and it can send signals to the end of the galaxy. there, the Powerful Xaxler Empire discover these signals and send a Military fleet to Earth via wormhole. it begins a Violent war, where approximately 10 Billion lives were destroyed, both sides.(btw, the year is 2466). in a last attempt to destroy the Human race, the Xaxler explodes the galaxy core, and the entire Milk way is destroyed.

I wish i could be happy.

Granted, but happyness is divine, and you are not divine, so prepare to die in two minutes.

I wish for a world peace and no more war.

Granted, but the world becomes so peaceful that noone will even defend themselves from wildlife. Congratulations, we all get eaten by wolves.

I wish for an armed peace to prevent the above.

granted, but now we all have to walk around in UT2K4 Juggernaut suits

I wish I could have the magical powers to perform all of SC4's critical finishers, and have the weaponry which is necessary

Granted, but you soon get arrested because of hurting people.
I wish for a Nano-Suit.

Granted, you get a suit that is 5 nanometres tall.

I wish for less cowbell

Granted, but the cow kicks your ass into yesteryear.

I wish fro Sgt-Kelly's new minigun.

Granted, but I melt a few extra holes in your face with the new HMC Volatile Beam Cannon.

I wish for more knowledge in programming.

Granted, but your hands are ripped off in a car crash, you can't use your new skills

I wish i knew the meaning of life.

Granted, the meaning of life is to pay taxes to lousy governments

I wish i could tell the public what we're up to

granted but people get a little ranty, about whining when RS will be finished (insert project here)and the forums get wiped
I wish I didnt go to school

Granted, but you are cought as a truant and spend the next few years at her majesty's pleasure (in jail) learning about the joys of man love.

I wish for mods that I play (for every game) to have development times slashed in half.

granted, but the features and graphic content are also slashed in half...

I wish for some bean soup.

Granted. It's castor bean soup. You die.

I wish for 600 KB/s upload speeds.

Granted, but all upload servers die.

I wish for time manipulating powers, so I can slow down time and create more in less time.

Granted, but the universe can't allow you to mess with time and you are wiped for existance.

I wish me elbow would stop hurting.

Granted, now your knee starts hurting.

I wish for the Volatile beam Cannon.

Granted, but it comes in a diamond box which is impenetrable (even by your double D49 quad shot).

I wish for a loyal gang of Irish navvies armed with repeating crosbows and fueled on Guinness.

Granted, they shot their crossbows in the wrong direction and kill themselves

I wish UT2k4 bots are tactical combatants rather than crazed arena freaks

Granted. But they DESTROY YOU ALL! DESTROY YOU ALL! DEEEESSSTTRRRROOOYYY YOOOUUU ALLLLL!!!!

I wish for MA GOD DAMN HYPER-PLASMA CANNON!!!

Granted. The change in tactics makes the bots so mad, mad, that they begin to multiply and they magically flee from the computer. then, anyone begins to get killed by powerful and highly skilled bots, that dominate Earth quickly.

I wish I could get the entire Sgt. Kelly/Cap. Xavious weapon pack NOW and know what RS is making. and obviously, and download RS work NOW!

Granted, but before you get your greedy hands on it, I knock you down with my D49 Revolver.

I wish for Lots of D49's

Glost: Granted. But you are killed when your computer explodes from sheer uberness.

SX: Granted. 9 grenade spammers with D49s in their inventory come and blow you to pieces multiple times.


I vish for HYPER PLASMA CANNON!

Granted, but I take it and fry your guts and toss it in the fire 2 feet away from me.

I wish for TEH MINIGUN!!!!

Granted, but I fry your brains with a secret new weapon.

I wish for this to work.